"After yesterday’s honest and vulnerable piece from Hailey, I asked her what she thought should follow it. She brought herself back to the time when she was overwhelmed. “Something that humanizes babies” she said. ”I wish I’d had more insight into his mind and body.”
So here they are:
12 Things your Crying Baby Wants you to Know
1. I am not crying to make your life more difficult. I am crying because something is wrong. Even if it does not seem like it.
2. I am brand new. I do not have control of my nervous system. I am disorganized. Being with you; hearing your heartbeat, smelling your scent… it calms me. It helps me.
3. The fact that I cannot stop crying is not your fault. I know your are doing your best. We are just getting to know each other. We will get there- please stick with me.
4. You are my world. You are my everything. You are all that I know. I do not have anybody else that can provide for me what you can.
5. I do not need to cry. It does not exercise my lungs, or provide any other benefit.
6. The stress chemicals that are released when I cry (that stay with me my whole life) are lessened when you hold me while I cry.
7. Please nurse me. No matter how much I ask for it. Forget the time or how tired you are. If nursing helps me to stop crying, please nurse me.
8. Do not listen to anybody else- not your neighbor, not your aunt. Forget the book that you read which talked about helping me to learn to self soothe. Just listen to me. And you. Forget the world outside of ours.
9. I cannot self soothe. It is not possible. If I stop crying when you leave me alone, it is because I have given up hope that you will comfort me.
10. If you are at your breaking point ask for help; with the dishes, the laundry and preparing meals. If I am content with somebody else, please use that time to shower or change or have a cup of tea.
11. I know this stuff is hard to hear. We live in a world that promotes political correctness at the expense of others. My needs are real, and I really need you; even when this means eating one handed and with dirty hair. I am your baby. You are my parent.
12. This will not last forever. It feels like it now because we are in this time warp of newbornhood. If you comfort me now, I will be calmer sooner. We will be closer. This time will end- this is not the rest of your life. While you may never long for the crying, your wiser self will be grateful to know that you trusted me, and yourself, from the very beginning.
Most importantly, I love you Mom. Thank you for trying so hard and taking such good care of me.”
The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life, seems to arise from over-rating the difference between one permanent situation and another. Avarice over-rates the difference between poverty and riches: ambition, that between a private and a public station: vain-glory, that between obscurity and extensive reputation. The person under the influence of any of those extravagant passions, is not only miserable in his actual situation, but is often disposed to disturb the peace of society, in order to arrive at that which he so foolishly admires. The slightest observation, however, might satisfy him, that, in all the ordinary situations of human life, a well-disposed mind may be equally calm, equally cheerful, and equally contented. Some of those situations may, no doubt, deserve to be preferred to others: but none of them can deserve to be pursued with that passionate ardour which drives us to violate the rules either of prudence or of justice; or to corrupt the future tranquillity of our minds, either by shame from the remembrance of our own folly, or by remorse from the horror of our own injustice.
Adam Smith, The Theory of Moral Sentiments
Sometimes I get tired of always being strong; of being a warrior. Sometimes I want to be soft; to breakdown entirely; to be coddled and treated delicately, but I’m starting to see that’s simply not my path.
I survive in protest of my own potential apathy; as proof to myself of the limitless human capacity for resilience and hope.
Quiet warriors, strong and brave: know that in this struggle you are never alone. Blade sharpened and mind sharper, comrade, I silently fight beside you.
This woman right here!!! I wish I could express how much this truly means to me.